For those of you who don't know, I have been a travelling fool lately. But this weekend, I decided to go against the grain and keep my butt in Little Rock which resulted in a fabulous time...and I started to wonder...why do I leave town every weekend? Now I never thought I would live in Little Rock and I still don't claim to live in Arkansas but truth be told...it has certain charms. Charms you ask? Why, yes...
1. The summer weather was finally here on Friday so I decided to hit the favorite bar and sit on the patio with Betsy, Sara, Candice and Lucy. After a couple glasses of wine, it became evident that we were tipsy, starving, and too lazy to do anything about it. Now what do resourceful women do in a situation like that? Order pizza and have it delivered to the bar! You can actually do things like that here...
2. Somehow the evening ended with a stop at the new gay bar. Now we like to go to gay bars because you are less likely to have to dodge some drunk frat guy's awful pick-up lines and it's fun to people watch. We made friends with a group of French men who let us mangle their language in the spirit of practice and since most French men seem gay to begin with - we didn't even question their sexuality or their interest in us or our cell phones. That's until we realized that they had programmed their numbers into our cell phones which is a supreme violation. "Why did you go to a gay bar to pick up women?" I asked my new stalker. I was answered with "What's a gay bar?"
3. All I wanted to do on Saturday afternoon was lay on my couch and watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon....seriously. Instead, I went to help my friend situate in her newly purchased house. Somehow we ended up in a deep discussion centering around reincarnation. Basically it was more like "Where do these crazy Arkansas people come from...they must have had a really interesting past life."
Cristen: "I think I was an orphaned nun in my past life."
Me: "I think I was a gay man."
4. Did someone say block party? I did! Chris, Moona and I loaded into Chris's jeep on Saturday evening and road tripped it to Austin, AR for Jennifer and Matt's block partay. Now I know what you're thinking. Is Austin, AR anything like Austin, TX? Take Austin, TX and remove all restaurants, bars, stores, any form of entertainment and about 750,000 people and then you would have Austin, AR. Anyway...the block party consisted of a terrible cover band called "Numbers Pulled" that played a revolving door of Prince, Stone Temple Pilots, and Eagles as well as some of their amazingly bad original songs. When they busted into "Heartbreak Hotel" - I almost threw my chair at the stage. Oh wait, did I say stage? They were actually playing inside someone's garage. Besides "Numbers Pulled" - the party was a hodge-podge of 40 year olds taking Jager shots, trying to dance, playing beer pong and large women wearing bikini tops and jean shorts (a deadly combination).
5. No weekend is complete without a Sunday morning trip to Waffle House. Luckily, there's one on every corner of Little Rock so I will never be without smothered, covered and peppered hashbrowns.
Are you now envious of my glamorous life in Little Rock? I thought so!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Prepare yourself for some bitching...
Today was a bad bad bad day. I've been sitting here thinking of everything I would like to say to the men that I work with and finally decided to put it in writing. So, men that I work with who do not read this blog, these are my hardships of climbing the corporate ladder and dealing with YOU....
1. Harnessing the male ego. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I suppose you men should be proud of your place in the world....but we're not curing cancer here, we're just selling pants...to people who don't even need pants. This, however, does not seem to matter since EVERY man I deal with on a daily basis has an ego proportionate to the size of his paycheck. I don't care that your college roommate was the CEO's son...call me "dear" one more time and I will remove the anatomy that makes you think you can talk to me like that. I understand that the male ego comes from your feelings of inadequacy in your marriage, your body type, your hairline, etc but no, I'm not your "dear" and no, I don't think it's funny when you try to make people cry....and NO, I am not turned on by the power you wield over the world of men's sportswear.
2. Avoiding sexual harassment. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I wear skirts and heels and have hair, etc. but I don't need you to tell me that I have beautiful eyes and I don't need you to say "meow" when I walk past you (I'm not kidding) and I definitely don't need a married VP telling my co-workers that he likes the way I walk. I get that we don't have a human resources department so I can't actually do anything about this but....you're all married and old and bald and gross so grow up and leave the girls alone.
3. Dealing with screw-ups. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I realize that men delusionally think that they're always right. I understand that in your mind, when you screw up, it's actually my fault and when I screw up, it's always my fault. Guess what? In my mind, when you screw up, it's your fault, and when I screw up, it's because you gave me the wrong information. It's not my fault that my note said "the signs will be there" and you changed it to "the signs will be their" - that's your fault. And for that matter, what business do you have being in charge of anything if you can't use the correct form of "there" or "your"? It's also not my fault that you can't tell a pinpoint oxford from a poplin....please tell me again that you'll "show me what an oxford actually looks like" - I'm the one with a concentration in Textile Science....I'll show YOU what an oxford looks like punk.
Wow that felt good....one day when I'm the VP (or just P) of something, I will rule by intimidation, place blame on everyone but myself and sexually harass my male employees. Or maybe...I'll go against the grain and treat people with actual respect.
1. Harnessing the male ego. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I suppose you men should be proud of your place in the world....but we're not curing cancer here, we're just selling pants...to people who don't even need pants. This, however, does not seem to matter since EVERY man I deal with on a daily basis has an ego proportionate to the size of his paycheck. I don't care that your college roommate was the CEO's son...call me "dear" one more time and I will remove the anatomy that makes you think you can talk to me like that. I understand that the male ego comes from your feelings of inadequacy in your marriage, your body type, your hairline, etc but no, I'm not your "dear" and no, I don't think it's funny when you try to make people cry....and NO, I am not turned on by the power you wield over the world of men's sportswear.
2. Avoiding sexual harassment. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I wear skirts and heels and have hair, etc. but I don't need you to tell me that I have beautiful eyes and I don't need you to say "meow" when I walk past you (I'm not kidding) and I definitely don't need a married VP telling my co-workers that he likes the way I walk. I get that we don't have a human resources department so I can't actually do anything about this but....you're all married and old and bald and gross so grow up and leave the girls alone.
3. Dealing with screw-ups. Yes, I am a 23 year old woman working with and for middle aged men and yes, I realize that men delusionally think that they're always right. I understand that in your mind, when you screw up, it's actually my fault and when I screw up, it's always my fault. Guess what? In my mind, when you screw up, it's your fault, and when I screw up, it's because you gave me the wrong information. It's not my fault that my note said "the signs will be there" and you changed it to "the signs will be their" - that's your fault. And for that matter, what business do you have being in charge of anything if you can't use the correct form of "there" or "your"? It's also not my fault that you can't tell a pinpoint oxford from a poplin....please tell me again that you'll "show me what an oxford actually looks like" - I'm the one with a concentration in Textile Science....I'll show YOU what an oxford looks like punk.
Wow that felt good....one day when I'm the VP (or just P) of something, I will rule by intimidation, place blame on everyone but myself and sexually harass my male employees. Or maybe...I'll go against the grain and treat people with actual respect.
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